Red with black paint

I am not 100% sure where I got this lighter from. I do not usually use it, I know it holds some sort of negative connotation for me. The smudge of black acrylic paint on it means it would have to be from a time when I either had a lot of free time or was feeling particularly low enough to paint. I seem to only paint when I am far deep into the shadows. Almost clawing back at a ‘happier’ time when I painted a lot, as if going back to when I felt most creative would prove to myself a lighter frame of mind. I see myself looking back through a rolodex of memories. Is it from when I had to move back in with my abusive manipulative twat of a farther? From painting that found lump of concrete bright pink in my cc home? No, that was pink. So, it must have been over the first lockdown. Could it be from when I just started to smoke, an excuse to go outside and harm my lungs a bit? I think it was, I remember making my devil horns in the kitchen and covering them with black paint.